As I write this post, I am sleeping next to my mom, in a room together with my cousins(they’re having a sleepover because my aunt is not around). I realized that ever since I started Miracle(quite a few years ago), I haven’t been really personal or open about my feelings.
Am leaving Malaysia in less than 48 hours, and I suddenly feel anxious, sad and lost all of a sudden. This summer break has been really amazing, I met new friends, catched-up with my highschool bestfriends, spent most of the time at home with my parents and travelled to quite a few places just for the food 😂
But…on top of all of that, it hit me that the next time I feel like doing all of these with my family, I have to wait for another one whole year, and that sucks tbh. If you are close to me, you will know that I am a family person, I get uneasy if I stay away too long, and I am also a ‘manja’ girl in the family…duh 🤪.
I get this a lot “You should be thankful, studying in the UK is such a good opportunity!”. Well, I can’t deny that and MashaAllah every second I thank Allah for giving me something I know I never deserve in the first place…but as much as I am thankful, I am allowed to rant my feelings too right?
I realized that when I study abroad, I miss out on growing and living with my parents, I miss out on coming home on public holidays just to see their face and eat mom’s cooking, I miss out on seeing my nieces and nephew grow up, and I also miss out on just being around and waking up in my home 😢
Wow…I do get sensitive sometimes haha.
All I am saying is, people make sacrifices to progress in their life, and this is my sacrifice, no matter how small or petty it is compared to yours, it still hit me like a bullet train. Because…life should be a balance of holding on and letting go. And this time around, I gotta learn how to let go.
Yosh Fatini! *wipes tears*